Welcome Back, Kotter

nom nom nom (on cock)

OOPS.  I haven't been here in a hot minute.  Sorry, children.  I've been busy.  Being crazy.  But I'm getting my shit together, and life is a box of chocolates or toilet full of turds, or WHATEVER.  As one of those mannish women on Mob Wives put it: life is a bowl of cherries, and I've got the motherfucking pits to prove it.  ANYSNIZ, I've been neglecting ya'll like Paris Hilton neglects her pets, so I hope none of you died of malnutrition while I was away.  Let's start back softly with a little selection from an SMS conversation between Mia and me.  We were discussing 16 & Pregnant.  Terrible, yes, but everybody knows I watch awful television, so just roll with it.  By the time they start following these bitches, it's too late to ABORT ABORT ABORT, so I always root for ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT.  At least that one couple from the first season had the sense to give their child up.  Seriously, no 16-year-old can properly care for a baby and raise a child.  It's mean to subject it to that.  I''m getting off point.  This one bitch, Allie, who of course should have given her baby up for snatching, had a black girl friend named KB.  I proposed that we guess what those initials stood for.  My guess was Kaneesha Brianna (pretty good guess, right?) and this ensued:

How did that shit ever get made?

Mia: Karquanna Broiledmeat.

me: KARQUANNA BROILEDMEAT

me:  I can't handle that.

me:  too funny

me:  Like she's some kind of McDonald's mascot

Which brings me to this next topic:  Pussyghost.  Pussyghost has become somewhat of a recurring character on the podcast (new one coming soon, I promise) One and a Half F*gs, and she now has her own twitter page!  So follow that bitch and get the latest, most racist lowdown on the afterlife for vaginae.

Best Joke Ever

Aside from most Helen Keller jokes that is.  I modified this from statement form in a tweet by @RMGingerNinja:

What did the Jewish pedophile say to the child?

-"Hey little kid, wanna BUY some candy?"

Dexter Dumbed Down

I have @SierraTrevino to thank for this video discovery.  It is especially appropriate because I've been reading the Dexter books.  I'm on the most recent one, Dexter is Delicious.  They have all been really entertaining, but the third one was ROUGH.  It got rather supernatural, which I disapproved of.  I'd rather Dexter be a mentally unstable killer with his own logic than a man possessed by a demon or some shit.  It's okay though, the author gets back to super creepiness in the following book; and all is well in the world again.  The Showtime program is excellent, and if you aren't squeamish, check it out.  Julia Stiles had a run on the most recent season, and she really impressed me.  Firstly, I was surprised she was still around.  I haven't seen her in anything for years.  I was concerned she would stink up the show, but she's good at crying and being an emotional cunt, so she excelled.  Anyway, here is Dexter in 60 seconds:

Too Good

I happened to ask on my Twitter account (@FatCamp) on August 5 "how does bonnie hunt still have a show?" I just noticed that someone (@Imontheradio) replied @ me that she does not in fact have a show anymore. Apparently it is in reruns until September 10. And then "I take it by your question you're not a Bonnie Hunt fan." I had to go back and see what I actually wrote, because I had it in my head that I wrote something like "why the fuck is that no-talent cunt Bonnie Hunt still on the air?" What I did tweet was completely benign, but what I really want to know is how Stephanie Foo happened across my tweet. We either have some followers in common, or (what I'm convinced is more likely:) she for some searched all of Twitter for Bonnie Hunt. Why would someone do that?? It is mind-boggling. When you do that search, what are you hoping to find? The hot juicy gossip on all things Bonnie Hunt?

Oh hahaha. Well, after a minute's worth of research, I see that Ms. Foo is just a superfan of BH. There are several @Imontheradio tweets on BH's page. I kind of want to bait Foo now. I just need to come up with something AWFUL to say about Ms. Hunt and wait for the magic to happen.