Are you unhappy with the mediocre state of your celebrity status? Do you want less? Are you looking to fade into obscurity? Fret no more! It seems the simple act of wearing a headband across your forehead is enough of a charm to jinx your career. Ugh, movie premieres are such a hassle, right? And even promoting a straight-to-DVD movie is a bitch. When you join the slow-paced world of foreheadbands, you'll be surviving on the occasional dive bar appearance and rare made-for-TV movie jobs you get based on years-old accomplishments.
Act now, and in no time at all you'll be free to focus on what's really important to you. You know, pushing third rate fashion merchandise, centering your world on a significant other who will quickly be more famous than you, mooching off said person, abusing all sorts of substances, and tipping off paparazzi for photo opportunities. Do it, you won't do it. DO IT, FAGGOT.
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