Schnockers

I'm going to have to take another time to devote to the absurdity that is MTV's Jersey Shore. Basically it's awful and amazing. Best of all, it's introduced to the world the beautiful flower that is Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. She's a drunken mess of a slut, and obvs spends way too much time giving herself skin cancer. Bitch has gone beyond orange and is. . . shit I don't even know. Burnt sienna? She made an ass of herself the first night and drank herself sick then passed out and missed the real party. She then tried to hook up with a guy who ended up getting sick & I guess even she won't kiss a guy who just vomitted. I suppose she does have standards after all. Like two of them. She loves being the center of attention at near-empty bars performing for old alcoholics. She's all about doing back handsprings and walkovers that show off her thong. She's clearly not an attention whore. But there's something so endearing about her! Perhaps it's because she's technically a little person. Her antics would not fly coming from an amazonian skank. That wouldn't be cute. Everyone's seen how she got punched in the face in last night's episode even though MTV made a faux-moral decision at the last second not to air the punch itself. Since we hadn't all seen it 23,049 times. Then afterward, they showed a message about violence against women. They took all the fun out of it! Last week I watched her get rocked in the face by a dude in slow motion over and over, and I laughed my ass off! Taking out the actual moment of impact and seeing it in context is actually very sad. I think the guy might have meant to punch the other dude but instead mashed an already ruined face. After the moment of blackness, they cut to Snooki lying crumpled on the ground, clutching her face. She's now like a retarded puppy :( You feel sorry for her and just want to take care of her. If she shits on the rug, it's okay, it's not her fault, she's special.