Tamago Onii Shiro

I don't really speak Japanese, but an interest in sushi, anime, and videogames has allowed me to construct a feeble dictionary on my own. I made a yummy recipe for hard-boiled eggs for a party yesterday.

White Devil Eggs

(notice I didn't write "white deviled eggs," and you'll see that it's due to a key ingredient)

18 large eggs

1/2 tsp. salt

1/3 cup ranch dressing

1 - 2 tbsp. wasabi paste to taste

5 strips bacon, finely diced

I invented this recipe one night a long time ago when I was starving, broke and had almost nothing in my apartment. It was either eat the shit separately or try to make something delicious. I like to think I accomplished the latter. Of course I only had maybe 4 eggs and remnants of the other ingredients, but I've tweaked the proportions here.

Boil the eggs in a large pot. If you don't know how to do this, throw yourself out a fucking window, because life isn't going to be very rewarding for you. I used a giant pot and boiled all the eggs in already-roiling water for 15 minutes if you must know. Remove the eggs, and place them in the fridge to cool. This takes a while, so I let them chill over night. What? Plan ahead, assholes.

Chop the bacon, and cook it in a pan at medium heat until fully browned. Obviously don't use butter or oil since the bacon releases its own (I almost just wrote LUBE. We all know what's on my mind) fat to cook in. If this isn't obvious to you, and you don't live in secluded woods and speak pidgin English you learned from your stroked-out mother, please jump out the window again. It should be open since the last time you did it and were either reincarnated or somehow resuscitated.

While the bacon is cooking, shell the eggs. An easy way to do this is to lightly crack them on a flat surface, then roll them against it under the palm of your hand, ensuring that it breaks all around the egg. If you think you might have some shell bits on the egg still, I find it useful to dip the eggs in a small bowl of water.

Cut the eggs lengthwise into halves. Remove the yolk, setting them in a bowl and the whites on whatever serving dish you wish. If you're feeling particularly fancy, you can put the yolks in a blender or food processor to break them up, but I find a large spoon works just as well. Do this, and mix in the salt, ranch dressing, and wasabi. Mix it well, and add more wasabi if you like it hot. I like the kick wasabi gives, so I used about 2 tablespoons. Here's the fun part: place the mixture in the bottom corner of a large Ziploc-style plastic bag. Twist it so there's no excess air in the bag. Cut the tip of the corner off so you can use it like a pastry bag. Pipe the mixture into the egg halves, being as pretentious as you like with the pattern.

Sprinkle those bitches with the bacon bits, and they're done!