Ready for Dick on Valentine's Day

Also from the best friend pile today comes a delightful paragraph about revenge. Earlier this year I had a date with a guy we'll call the Joker. I liked his smile, but the bff said he looked like the Joker. Old school giant grin Joker, not new school Heath Ledger jagged face. Nothing came of the date, and really I was just smitten because I was so attracted to him. He was a complete mess in every other aspect. I saw him last weekend, and he's not as cute as I thought he was. I generally like 'em skinny, but this bitch was a toothpick. He looked like Ethan Hawke with AIDS. Anyway, Brady asked me why I even thought I could date such a mess. I told him "I wanted to jizz all over his jokerface." This was his response:

You could still jizz on that fugly joker's face. We could lure him to an undisclosed location with promises of big cock and then get him naked, on his knees and blindfolded (ready for dick on Labor Day). Then BAM you pull off the blindfold and jizz right in his eye. Then he'll have to have an eye abortion to kill your baby.

EYE ABORTION. I love it. That phrase also works for when you wish to unsee something. Allow me to explain the hilarity that is being ready for dick. It comes from this fantastic video that I've shared before (that is worth watching at least once every day, as are all videos by this guy):




At about the 1:20 mark, Blanche says "giiiirls, ya'll ready to get dick on Valentine's Day?" So now we've worked that phrase into our everday lexicon. If I'm getting ready to go out and look cute, then I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. If I'm feeling snizzy and want to play with myself, I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. If I have a date and plan on making a move, I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. From there, the leap to other holidays was simple. Hence, ready for dick on Labor Day. You could also be ready for dick on Guy Fawkes Day, Boxing Day or Arbor Day.