Fat Camp

Saturday, January 8, 2011

S-A-D-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

the book is dedicated to "a Republican closet case I once knew"

Wooo! What a wild night, huh? Well I'm currently recovering from a lil' sickness, and I am feeling antisocial. I'm watching the Food Network and eating way too much Panang curry. BTW, Chicago friends, is Panang Noodle still there on Clark? I miss that shit. Anyway, I'm reading a literary masterpiece titled How to Rape a Straight Guy. I know! What the fuck, indeed! Well, this goes back to a love/hate relationship with Amazon. I love me some amazon.com and spend way too much money there. The problem is, they have terrible policies regarding LGBT fiction. Does anyone remember Amazon Fail? We nerds do. But even after that, I came crawling back like an abused wife, only comfortable with the familiar. If you can find me another perfect website to order whatever I want, I'd be happy to switch. A few weeks ago, I read an article by an outraged author detailing how his book would no longer be carried by Amazon. I think it's some bullshit too. Yes, the title is fucked up, but it's not a how-to guide. It's a story. And as he points out, there is much worse out there on Amazon's site that isn't being criticized because it isn't gay-themed. So I knew I had to check this book out. I couldn't find it in any compatible download formats, but I did track down a paper copy. I've only read a chapter so far, but it's rough. It's narrated by a tough guy who uses a lot of slang and contractions. His speech may be colloquial, but it's written in a shitty way. Just write "you an me ain't gettin nothin done" instead of "you an' me ain't gettin' nothin' done." It draws attention to the speaker in a condescending way. And the rest of the book is like that! Not that I would expect style format to change like that, but I can wish. Anyway, don't worry, I'm not arming myself with dangerous knowledge. I was just hoping I'd get a few kinks out of How to Rape a Straight Guy.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Grrrr

I sleep with my phone by my pillow. I haven't used a real alarm clock in years; and I'm single, so instead of a man next to me, there is a phone. The point is, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to check the time. If I noticed a text message or email notification, I might open it. I just so happened to do that this morning. I noticed someone commented on my last post. Yay, I was excited. But it was just some jerk trying to cause unfounded trouble. I welcome criticism and opinions, but please come correct and get your facts straight. But thanks for reading, darling, I love you, you're the best. Come again.

Here is a palate cleanser in the form of voguing. Oooh there is a white queen doing a death drop up in there. And the song? I'm sure you notice that mixed in with Nicki Minaj are snippets from Kevin Aviance's "Cunty."

Monday, January 3, 2011

A Note on A Common Term

exhibit A

I was recently asked what exactly I mean when I say shitty faggot. This was my response:

The phenomenon of the shitty faggot is a difficult one to describe. I'll tell you the origin even though it's kind of useless. There was a tranny who used to be a frequent guest of my favorite gay podcast, Sophia Lamar. She looks like a fucking trainwreck, and she pretty much seems like a bitter cunt. She had a little segment where she talked about things she hated. One such thing is the shitty faggot. This type of homosexual might tan, wear gel, have a tribal tattoo, do crystal meth, and other stuff. So....whatever that means. I just stole the term from her. My use is really kind of vague. A queer who is ashamed of his gayness would be a shitty faggot. Or guys who are obsessed with being a bro and calling themselves masculine, Or ones who are all about going out and partying. Bitchy gay guys who spread lies about people. Just, poor examples of human beings, but who happen to be homosexual. Does that make any sense? I just know when someone is a shitty faggot.

I forgot an important one: asymmetrical haircuts.

Sniznesia

I'm not a big Britney Spears fan. I was going through my music collection recently, and I only have a handful of songs plus her most Circus album (given to me free, mind you). I used to be really entertained by her antics, but then they got scary. I wish her nothing but the best, and I never want to see her lose it again. BUT it's fun to imagine. Imaginary Britney on Jonny McGovern's podcast is enough dysfunction for me. She's all about flashing her pussy, purple drank, and tricking people into holding her babies while she peaces the fuck out. Those "BABIES ARE BORING!" and she wants custody of them ZERO DAYS. Anyway, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head all day. As far as Britney is concerned, this is my favorite. It's catchier than chlamydia, and has a fun retro vibe. Get into it.

Proverbial Strippers and Coke

You know that abortion you had last March? Well the time it would have taken to carry that thing to term is how long it took me to stumble across this video. I may be late to the party, but I brought proverbial strippers and coke, and I appreciate it. Nerds of the world, please enjoy.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My New Dance. . .

. . . is super old, but new to me. Check out Beyonce's dance to "Check on It," 2:07 - 2:47. The hoppy stomping, the fake gum chewing, the WEAVE PATTING. It's insanely fantastic.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Tranny of the Day

Work, Ericka

Featuring one of my personal favorties: Erickatoure Aviance. She was a regular guest on the podcast Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern, and she turns it on a regular basis. She is a badass, and her EP is damn good. Go to iTunes and get it now so you can work to such hits as "I'm Grown and I Do What I Want," "My Pumps," and "Behind the Waterfall."

p.s. she is the queen in the middle in the first video.