Textual Intercourse

me: so I guess I'm seeing Sniz and the Shitty 2 with my aunt





Brady: I couldn't see that with a relative. I'm sure there is at least one dildo in it.





me: nah, it's cool. She's up to her elbows in vag all day.

Rabbit?

The girl who was in my new apartment before me left this in addition to all the crap I bought from her:



It took me a while to figure out what it was. It took so long because I didn't want to touch it. Obviously because it looks like a fucking dildo. Apparently it is a hand-held air pump. So. . . yeah, maybe still a sex toy. I don't know? Maybe she was a freak-nasty ho.

That Hurt My Feelgoods

Where's Waldo

Oh shit, is that Saffron from Absolutely Fabulous?? I didn't know a bitch got abducted.

Oops. My Bad.

I try to keep my friends on Facebook limited to people who are actually relevant to my life. I noticed someone today who I had only briefly interacted with, and even that was a while ago. I decided to defriend him, which is something I find really fun. It turns out it's his birthday. Happy birthday, let's never talk again!

She Done Did It Again

Watch this 15 times, and memorize it. Or I'll kill you!

Textual Intercourse

(about Serena van der Woodsen on Gossip Girl)
she's still wearing her ridic outfit
Brady: ?
me: from when she met her dad at the helicopter
Brady: oh
me: her slutty spy outfit or whatever
Brady: yeah when she teleported herself there
me: with her sniz witch powers
Brady: I was going to say with her Sailor Slut powers
me: Gutter Crystal Power!
Brady: SNIZ Star Power MAKE UP!
me: what would her attack be?
Brady: Dumpster Fire BLAST

Textual Intercourse

me: gross. i'm watching a movie where this guy said "each one of you is to stick to the guy who called you like stink on quim"



me: it rang a bell, but i couldn't remember what quim meant



Brady: SNIZ



me: yeah, apparently it's the fluids produced by the sniz



me: i need to start working it into my vocabulary



Brady: oh

Brady: I feel gross

me: worked out?

Brady: no I just didn't shower yet

me: oh did you work up a sniz sweat beating off or something?

Brady: yeah

me: okay that makes more sense

How Rude

I hadn't seen a contraption like this before that bastard just plopped down on the bleachers right in front of people. How motherfucking rude. It's one thing to bring a baby to an event (I don't think kids should be allowed outside home/school until they can be trusted not to throw fits) but to do so in such a way that literally sticks the little jackass in people's faces is ridiculous.

Congratulations, Assholes

I was at a graduation ceremony this morning. Not only did the dean of the particular college look exactly like she belonged as a teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchraft and Wizardy, but these little beasts were there:







I wanted to tell little Fred and George Weasley that one of them would lose an ear and one would die.