To My Friend On Her Birthday

Happy birthday, Lila! I love you this much:


His choppy hair brushes your eyelashes as you tenderly kiss him. You move it out of the way so you can peer admiringly into his eyes lined with makeup. He gets a little annoyed because he spent over twenty minutes flat ironing it to its asymmetrical perfection this morning. You get the point and move down his torso, pulling up his black and white striped shirt. You gently kiss his navel, but he shies away because the safety pin piercing he gave himself last week is still quite sensitive. With great difficulty, you undo his studded leather belt with your teeth then begin the arduous task of removing his skin-tight black jeans. After some time and not a little sweat, you peel off the leggings that were beneath the pants. You eye the throbbing bulge of his crotch hungrily and tear off his pink and white women’s-style briefs. His erect cock bursts free and wags at you as you notice his completely shaved pubes and balls. Look at this fucking hipster.

So Wrong

You throw your head back in ecstasy and moan like a wild man. You haven’t gotten a blowjob like this in ages. You lick your lips and grind faster as you work your way toward release. Shoving your pulsing member as far as it will go down the willing throat, you scream as you fill the mouth with your white hot love. You slump back on the bed, sated, while your partner puts the dentures back in her wrinkled mouth. You have never loved your grandmother as much as you do right now.

Goodnight, Moon

This is my effort in response to Brady's short story:

You catch my eye across the restaurant. I nod toward the restroom and you follow me into a stall, locking the door behind us. You waste no time removing my pants and swallowing my cock all the way down. You gag, but I grab you by your hair and won’t let you up for air. You keep gagging, and then you spew vomit all over my junk and my shoes. Is that celery?

Bedtime Story

We were discussing erotic stories and what we don't like about them. I said that I hated when the author created characters and inserted them into existing fictional environments where you are obviously supposed to pretend you are him. This brought my friend to write a short story in the second person (something we find particularly irksome). Here it is in all its concise glory:


You walk into the room and sit down. I approach you and put my hand on your leg. I tell you to close your eyes. You smile trusting me completely. I slowly rub the cool cylinder against your skin. I tell you to open wide. I place the thick barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger. Story over.


Isn't that fantastic?

It Started With A Dare, Part Trois

It finally occurred to me what a great and funny scenario Twilight would be!

Now this isn't quite what I wanted to post, but I had some trouble trying to get the first one up, so it wouldn't let me repost the original. I had to tweak the wording, so it's not quite what I was going for, but acceptable nonetheless. Oh, and this is what the original picture was going to be:

But guess what? NO ONE replied! Not a single response. What the hell? "I want to suck your. . . cock" is great! Come on, son!

It Started With A Dare, Part Deux

This was my friend's entry today, and I think it's rather impressive.

I can take credit for finding the picture and the line about Master Splinter, thank you very much. He actually got several responses. One was from a "masseur" offering a free first massage because he wants to build his clientele. I think that one might have been fake. Then there was another kid who was interested, but didn't want to dress up or anything, so he was lame. Brady offered to let him be Casey Jones, but I think that's where it ended. Then there was the older man. He was cool with being Master Splinter. Seriously. He was totally down. It got so detailed, that we started to feel bad. He was really into it. Oh well, it was hilarious.

Happy Valentime's

From one hooker to another.

It Started With A Dare

This is how it began:

Brady: ok

Brady: I dare you to post an outrageous craigslist

Brady: like that

Brady: For example.....

Brady: Headline: Looking for Older Bea Arthur type

me: i love it already

Brady: Golden Girls fetish. You be Dorthy and I'll be young Mario Lopez who doesn't want to go back to Mexico

Brady: You enter my paper in a local essay contest to have me deported because you are secretly molesting me

Brady: Must bring cheesecake to eat out of my ass while I scream YES PUSSY CAT

And this is the result:

My friend was even nice enough to provide the picture for the post. I'll also include the second place picture that didn't quite make the cut. It seemed to have posted, but I didn't receive any responses. Sadness :(

I think today we'll try a Harry Potter themed post.

A Present For Your Saturday

And I like this comment:

Sorry, this is NOT gay. As an expert on gay things:
A: Three gay guys do not share two shower heads unless they're serious
B: None of them are tanned enough
C: Their Speedos don't match
D: A drag queen would have choreographed the head-bobbing until it was TITE
E: There are no back-up dancers
F: No crotch close-ups

FINALLY

This bitch knows what I'm talking about