A Recommendation

I suppose this started because of Craigslist. Every now and then I find it amusing to check the local missed connections section. A few days ago, I found this gem:



Classy, right? From the tearing of the butt-cherry to shreds to the sweetening of the "nectar" with pineapple juice; this is a gem. And what's with the picture? The picture makes me think it's a joke, but really I don't think it is. Part of me wondered about this "Mitch" fellow, but the real issue was the podcast. What is ttodcast? Ever since Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern ended, I've been in the market for a funny podcast. And a funny gay one would be perfect. I thought to myself this must be it. I checked it out and quickly learned that it is not in fact a gay podcast. But that's okay, because these kids are hilarious. The two hosts are film students at Columbia in Chicago. I've been listening to it often, and I'm loving it. They DO talk about a lot of dirty gay stuff, but from a straight perspective, which is interesting to me. And not a judgmental perspective, just different. I'm loving it, and I had to write to them to let them know about the CL post:

I live in Champaign and happened to notice the following post:
http://chambana.craigslist.org/mis/1875665420.html
Kind of creepy. But funny. And it led me to your podcast, so I guess whoever posted that is responsible for getting you more fans. So thank you, cock-hungry dude who posted on Craigslist.
-Me

I wasn't expecting any sort of response, but one of them was nice enough to write back:

Well we are glad to hear we have another fan. The mythological beast known only as "Mitch" has been spotted around the Champaign area, so it is no surprise those in that area crave his cock nectar. Feel free to email us or leave feedback in the iTunes store. As we continue to grow we will add new segments and such. Pass on the good word and keep an eye out for Mitch, he may save your life and take it away in the blink of an eye.

-TTodcast


Yeah, it turned into a plug for the show at the end; but damn, I would do the same thing. I can identify with the struggle to get exposure to one's work, so I even wrote a review at the iTunes store. Now I think you sluts should check it out. Subscribe, laugh your ass off, write a review, follow ttodcast on Facebook. Do it now. Kisses.

Shenaniginas

Pee-wee Herman said that if he had gone to trial back in the day when he was accused of abusing himself in a porn theater, he would have won. “Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn't have been me.”

SHENANIGANS. If I could, I would put Pee-wee in jail. My dominant hand is my right hand, but I use my left for sexy fun times by myself. I can't use my dominant hand for that activity (duh, that's what balls are for). I could be the prosecution's star witness. Maybe I could just testify via webcam ;)

Another Good One

Oh there are some gems up on Craigslist right now!

At Least Someone Replied

It's nice to know I am appreciated.

I'm a Bad, Bad Man

Brady brought the following Craigslist ad to my attention:



Ugh. The description of that guy is the definition of a shitty faggot. I felt I had to respond:



I am a bad person.

A Little More Personal (Raw)

Yes, that is a Lindsay Lohan reference. Get over it. I've kind of been going through it this week. I wanted to write a little something about observations I've made, but it feels weird to write something serious. So I will be peppering in cock jokes and whatnot.

Monday was a bad day. The worst I've had in a while. Which in the grand scheme of things, actually speaks to how well things have been going; the last few months have been pretty good. There was just a little drama. It was based on a misunderstanding, and I tried to make myself clear, but it didn't seem to work. I apologized anyway for how I had inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, but I never got the apology I was hoping for. It's okay though. It's a bump in the road, and it wasn't worth any more fighting. Shit happens. We're fine now, but things like that really affect me. I didn't even notice it until a day in, but I was bumming for a hot minute. When I get in a mood, it's apparently reflected in my current choice of music.

On Monday I just couldn't listen to the music I normally do when I walk around with my iPod. I also realize now that I was walking with my head down. It was some sad clown shit. Here are a few choice songs:









And then there's the queen of sadness. I don't care who you are, if you don't listen to this song and want to cry robot tears from your hard drive, you're a serial killer. It makes me emotional every time I listen. Turn the volume up, slut. Hear it, and really feel it; and you might have the same experience. It will be unique to you, but go through it, honey. Maybe it was the time your pimp killed a fellow ho and you were left alone on the stroll. Bitch, I don't know you.



I started feeling better after clearing the air Tuesday, and then confirming the cool that night. I was still listening to some sad shit, but yesterday got better. I had moved on to more angsty music.





A friend of mine appropriately described this song as "very Buffy-at-the-Bronze:"






Before this week, my recent soundtrack for the walk to work has consisted of (don't judge me) a mix of songs from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog, and Hairspray. This morning I was still on some classical strings music, but I was able to enjoy an upbeat song a little later. So I think I'm about back to normal. I'm just a sensitive bitch.

Here's the movie version that includes my girl Ricki Lake. Damn I used to watch the original Hairspray so much as a kid with my mom. It's her fault I'm. . . the way I am.

Because You Asked Me

Not really, but it's been a minute since you had some man-woman love. Please enjoy.

How Did They Do This So Quickly?

I'm sure you know all about the disgruntled Jet Blue employee who yelled over the intercom on a plane and then sashayed away in the most dramatic fashion he could. Of all the news stories I've seen about it, this is by far the best.



Don't these things take a long time to make? Even without voices, isn't Pixar working on shit like this for years? Of course only the Chinese could churn this out. I love it. What I'm not sure I love is the mincing half-naked boyfriend waiting at their apartment. Seriously? We don't know if fthis motherfucker has a boyfriend, or if he's even gay. His profession does not define his sexuality. Just kidding, of course it does. He might as well be professional cockjuggler. They're gay. They're ALL gay. They could have at least kept the stereotypes going and decorated his home. The inside of that place looked like a crack den.

Too Good

I happened to ask on my Twitter account (@FatCamp) on August 5 "how does bonnie hunt still have a show?" I just noticed that someone (@Imontheradio) replied @ me that she does not in fact have a show anymore. Apparently it is in reruns until September 10. And then "I take it by your question you're not a Bonnie Hunt fan." I had to go back and see what I actually wrote, because I had it in my head that I wrote something like "why the fuck is that no-talent cunt Bonnie Hunt still on the air?" What I did tweet was completely benign, but what I really want to know is how Stephanie Foo happened across my tweet. We either have some followers in common, or (what I'm convinced is more likely:) she for some searched all of Twitter for Bonnie Hunt. Why would someone do that?? It is mind-boggling. When you do that search, what are you hoping to find? The hot juicy gossip on all things Bonnie Hunt?

Oh hahaha. Well, after a minute's worth of research, I see that Ms. Foo is just a superfan of BH. There are several @Imontheradio tweets on BH's page. I kind of want to bait Foo now. I just need to come up with something AWFUL to say about Ms. Hunt and wait for the magic to happen.

Sweet Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was taking part in one of those Food Network sugar competitions. I just remember pulling a packed sugar figurine out of a mold along with my co-chef (a sassy black woman of course). It was a little less than a foot tall, and it was our prototype. We knew if it went well, we would be making many more. It was a sugar statuette of Bea Arthur, complete with shoulderpads, gown shape, and what would eventually be a sequins clutch purse. This bitch was ready for the big charity ball! Sidenote: damn, those old bitches were always going to charity balls. Imagine how many jersey sequins super-scoop-neck-to-the-knee tops and floor-length skirts those twats had. !!! I know, right? I remember thinking that it was shaped so well and all we had to do was airbrush it. The interesting part was that it must have been brown sugar. I guess we were making Black Bea Arthur. You know that exclamation (well, you nerds might) "Merlin's beard?" Well, I want to start saying "Bea Arthur's beard!" It's not "fetch," I'm going to make this happen.